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Home > Grandma was right. (He just doesn't get it)

Grandma was right. (He just doesn't get it)

September 16th, 2007 at 03:50 pm

When I got married almost 18 years ago, my grandmother pulled me to the side and whispered to me "Whatever you do, don't put your money with his. Keep your money separate, provide for your own future and handle your own business. I never did believe in relying on a man to take care of you."

Needless to say I was a little shocked by grandma's advice. For a newlywed with stars in her eyes, it sounded like the opposite of what someone trying to build a partnership and a new life with her One True Love should do. I decided in all of my 20-year old wisdom to ignore her. After all, she and my grandfather were only married for 50 years, she was old and what did she know? Unfortunately, she was right. Even more unfortunately by the time I figured it out a couple of years later, she had already died. *sigh*

What inspired this? Well I was discussing with my husband what our plan should be to help our daughter with college expenses in 4 short years from now. His plan? To dip into his retirement to pay for it. The convo went like this:

ME: "You're going to use your retirement? That money is supposed to take care of you in your old age. Who's supposed to take care of you if you spend it all now? Me?"

HIM: "No. I'm not really planning to retire. I'm just going to keep working."

ME: "You do realize that you're not invincible, don't you? You could get sick, and then you wouldn't be able to work. And there's always the possiblity you might die, sooner than later. You have to do right by the kids and me."

HIM: Blank stare.

At least twice a year, he mentions using his retirement money to pay for some bills or more recently to pay for our failed air conditioning and now this. All because he doesn't want to stop spending money on crap, pay off his $33,000 in credit card debt and save his money. He just doesn't get it but fortunately I do...finally. Thanks, Grandma.

9 Responses to “Grandma was right. (He just doesn't get it)”

  1. Ima saver Says:

    I have handled the money the past 30 years and given my husband an allowance only.

  2. Kikee Says:

    Please tell your husband that "you" can finance a child's education, "you" CANNOT finance a retirement!

  3. baselle Says:

    You can get a student loan, but you can't get a retirement loan.

    DH and I have also had separate accounts - it works for us.

  4. Nic Says:

    Like Grandma said "don't put your money with his. Keep your money separate, provide for your own future and handle your own business." It's STILL solid advice and Not too late.

  5. Broken Arrow Says:

    Your grandma is very wise, and you can still honor her memory by starting to ensure your own financial well-being. Smile

    I learned that lesson the hard way, though I was fortunately in that the damage was minimized. From this point on, it would be next to impossible to talk me out of controlling my own money... and pre-nups. Big Grin

  6. Fred Says:

    I hear a bunch of "I" and "he" so it sounds like you are already quite separate on it. To each their own, but I couldn't imagine separating our finances or not being on the same page with major financial and family goals.

  7. asmom Says:

    Fred, you're right we are already separate. But having kids, we have to come together on some things and I don't think I should have to foot the bill for our daughter's education alone just because he can't get it together. I am already taking steps to provide for my own future but sometimes I am just flabbergasted by how many poles apart we are on financial issues.

  8. fern Says:

    Here's to your grandma, my grandma and grandmas everywhere for their age-old wisdom.

  9. Frayed Buckeye Card Says:

    Hey, that's me!

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